I started this, but never managed to share it because of my unccensored opinions about both sides of the black hair community: this side that continues to support conforming to the American beauty standard (non-kinky hair) and the side that chooses to embrace one's own natural beauty (real, natural Afro-textured hair). I am writing to continue and expand on this topic due to some personal experiences I've been having with my hair lately.
It is almost the five-year mark since I started my natural hair journey. It is perfectly part of the vegan lifestyle and empowerment. Although I can say that I am pretty lazy when it comes to my hair, I know for a fact that I would never, ever go back to chemically straightening my hair.
Being different and holding your own can be difficult in an environment where you are told that you are not "black" enough just because you choose friends by character over color, have an insatiable appetite for all things science fiction, fantasy and nerd culture in general and physically being trim, natural and unrefined. Since continuing my journey, I noticed several things since being natural:
1. The people who supported me on my hair jouney were not black. Instead they were other ethnicities. If anything, I've gotten rude comments from my own family members, especially my sister who I already barely tolerate. I've even gotten stares and rude comments from black men. My mom's friend suggested that I chemically straighten my hair or I flat iron it and I told her that it's unfair that everyone with curly, wavy and straight hair don't have to put chemicals in it, why should I?
2. I learned that people of other ethnicities prefer black women with natural hair. Whereas being lighter-skinned with flowing hair makes for eyecandy for some guys, being dark and natural can give black women some cultural leaverage (Lupita Ny'ongo as example). I noticed since wearing my hair natural, I've been approached by nicer, more intelligent men, although they are some to many shades lighter than me. I also noticed that if dating certain men, they care about weight and whether or not a woman is fit over something as trivial as hair. I am kinky- haired, medium brown, petite and lithe, not "curly, light-skinned, and rotund.
3. There is a hair war when it comes to beauty standards. I've seen both sides sling mud at eachother. Women in the natural hair community believe that the only correct way to wear black hair is if it'streated and women who are on the other side believe that unstraightened hair is for only curly haired, straight haired or wavy haired people and they hold on to the idea that a relaxer can give self-esteem to anyone with kinky hair.
4. In the beginning, I questioned my self-worth and beauty and how I would be accepted. I thought even though I'm vegan, there would be a snowball chance in Hades before I went natural. I believed that I have to have the self-esteem to wear my hair texture. Then I made a choice, when I was in Reno, it was either burning my scalp with chemicals or wearing my hair natural. It took a huge toll in the beginning on my self-worth. When I first went natural I thought that men didn't like it, then I realized that it's not what man wants, it's what is best looking annd feeling amazing. I'm still battling feeling confident with natural hair, especially with my texture.
5. I get mixed messages about what is best for my hair. I buy SheaMoisture products the curly line. I've been using it on my hair on and off for five years. When I'm not lazy, it works miracles in my hair and makes it really soft and whipped into shape. I've been told those products don't work on my hair, but I'm not given a suggestion on what will work for my hair. My sister who has soft, curaly hair tells me that I'm supposed to use LUSTER'S PINK HAIR LOTION, which is filled with lanolin, parabens, petroleum and petrolatum and whatever is lingering in the labs. I'll admit that it worked in my childhood, until I hit puberty and started breaking out from it. So, I'll be sticking with a brand that I know works for me and is completely VEGAN. When it comes to learning 4b/4c hair, the internet is my best friend whether it's YouTube, Facebook, Instagram or Google.
6. My tastes in hairstyles have changed. I don't like braids anymore. I don't do twists anymore, especially since I'm trying to figure out these last few semesters of school. I don't have long to go. I've been putting my hair in a braid out high bun and it works. The only thing I would change about it is stretching the hair a bit, putting less product on it (choose oil base for blown out hair) and wrapping it at night. I've worn a twist'n'curl, that's when twists are placed in perm rods and sit over night and it creates amazing curls. When I recreate this, I'll be braiding from the root and twisting and rollersetting it with product. when I'm lazy I wear beanies, but my hair is so long that it looks like I stuffed my hair in them. I learned that braiding my hair in a circle can serve as a protective style.
7. I remember why I went natural when I flatiron my hair. I learned that manipulating my hair creates more breakage. My mom does not believe that hair can be damaged by heat. However, there are so many videos on heat damage. I think flatironing every few months to no more than 3 times a year won't hurt it. blowdrying on hot every few week won't damage the hair either.
I think if I can do anything different so far with the five years being natural, I would rely on research and support of friends who are natural with similar hair. I feel like so far, I have taken this journey forgranted by not appreciating myself physically, meaning keep up appearances. I would also use my natural hair as a means to enhance my beauty instead of seeing it as a burden, because I was conditioned to believe that straight/curly hair is better than kinky hair. For the rest of 2014, I will make this year the year that I appreciate my natural hair and care for it.
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